Christmas 2012

Christmas 2012 has come and gone, and I have to admit, I am glad it is in the past. It was hard, but it was ok. The reality that things could have been different sunk in. We missed Drake, wishing we could spoil and snuggle him on Christmas morning. We missed our families back in Chicago. Our hearts were heavy, filled with the mixed emotions of the dance of joy and sorrow I've spoken of so many times before.

However, we still managed to have a lovely time with family and friends here in Santa Barbara. We made it through a beautiful Christmas Eve service, sitting in the  back ready to exit quickly if need be (I was sure I would be a crying, hormonal disaster..... but I was actually ok!!). Christmas Eve we Skyped with my family to open gifts and then had a quiet evening at home together. Christmas morning was hard, it hit me then. We spent the morning together holding each other and sharing some tears, feeling crummy, and exchanging phone calls with the rest of our  family as they opened their gifts. This year we gave our family members ornaments in memory of Drake. Our hope is this will serve as a special reminder of his precious little life each Christmas season for our families. We know he will never be forgotten, but it nice to have physical reminders sometimes. The rest of Christmas day was shared at a family friends home with a very fun group of people that kept our spirits up and filled our tummies to the brim! We made it through the "first" Christmas and we can't wait until next year when we can joyfully celebrate with the new babe who is currently cooking in the belly!