Monday, March 17, 2014

Updates & Jaxon's First Birthday

So it goes without saying our lives have been a little hectic! We are all doing well, just balancing a lot of various needs and tasks. Both of us have been busy with work, we've had family in town, we've celebrated lots of special people and things lately, and we have an active little toddler on our hands! Jaxon's 1st Birthday was a blast! It was very special to celebrate with so many family and friends. We enjoyed having the space to host it at our house. Here are some pics to enjoy!

Friday, January 31, 2014

Honest Reflections on Drake's 2nd Birthday

Today would have been our first son, Drake's, 2nd Birthday. I have reserved the day for remembering him and attempting to process and grieve. Honestly, it is so much harder than I thought it would be. This year, I feel so torn. I want to honor and remember Drake and cherish him as our first born. It is hard to do that when I am literally distracted by Jaxon. Whether it is making sure he doesn't pull the dogs ears or feeling overwhelmed with joy at what a blessing he is, it feels like he is taking away from my journey with Drake. I guess I don't feel ready to let go of Drake, but part of me feels like I need to. All at the same time I intellectually know I will never let go of Drake, he will always be my first baby. I think I just hate that it still makes me so sad, such a harsh reality when it hits. The very positive part is that I don't feel sad every day anymore, most days I feel happy and grateful. So on the days when I do feel sad, it almost hits me harder. A reminder that there is still grief and still this huge hole in my life. That will always be there until I get to hold Drake again. Oh, the conflicting emotions of grief.