Why I wish we could "Skip Christmas" this year:
1. The Obvious. No Baby Drake. We will never get a first Christmas, or any Christmas, with him.
2. The Memories. Last year I bawled my way through the Christmas Eve service at Church. It was my first Christmas EVER away from my family.
Also, I was filled with so many emotions as we were in the trenches of dealing with things with Drake, who was still in my belly at that time. Blessings of God's Love in the midst of sheer sadness and terror. The Christmas season was when we found out the devastating news Drake would probably not make it. December 6th was one of the WORST days, if not the worst, days of my entire life. After that, it all went downhill fast, and I am greatly anticipating all these "anniversaries" and "firsts".
3. I just don't know what to do about Christmas cards. Ok, I know this might seem dumb, and Christmas cards are just a part of the holiday "ritual", but I usually do them every year! This year, it feels weird. Our family is not complete- it is still feeling broken, but it is also a work in progress. Alive with sorrow and joy. How would I even begin to summarize all that this last year has meant in a few lines, or even a short letter, in appropriate holiday card? Sending out the status quo cute photo card just isn't feeling right to me this year. Now is the time I would usually start planning photos or layouts and it is starting to taunt me. I know I am not obligated too, but it goes against my nature NOT to.
4. We will not be able to go home, because I will be too late in my pregnancy to fly. Thankfully, we have wonderful family friends here who we can be with. We will not be alone. However, I will still miss the comforts and traditions of "home" and wish we could be there.
5. I am extra emotional, because I am pregnant :) I am not typically a crier, but this pregnancy has turned me into one of those people who cries over the sad puppy commercials on TV (OK, those have actually always gotten to me... they are SO SAD!)
On that note, of course, I am very happy that I am pregnant and at least have that as a HUGE positive and hopeful thing. Little guy is doing GREAT in there and we are so thankful for that. We don't take it for granted!!
Would it be wrong to send out a Christmas card that just stated:
Happy Holidays 2012
Sending you our
JOY & SORROW
Much love and thanks,
The Petersons
I won't do that, but that's what my card would say if it were honest.
What would your card say if you were to give an honest "Holiday" proclamation?
6 comments:
I love you Stace! And I would love to get just that card from you!
Hi, I'm Tana. Linnea Bergstrom gave me your blog awhile ago. We lost our son, Noah in March after spending one glorious hour with him. He had Anencephaly and we knew he wouldn't survive. For Christmas this year, we're going to have a little giraffe in our picture. I had picked giraffes to be Noah's 'theme' (my other son is monkeys) and he definitely was a giraffe (3lb 14.2oz and 19in long born at 37wks). I feel that this way, Noah is a part of the picture and I don't feel like something is missing. It'll still be really hard but I feel like that's one small thing that will make it a little easier. Hope this helps!
Tana, so sorry for your loss of Noah. Thanks for sharing. That is a really great idea! Drake's little symbol became an orange gerber daisy. Maybe I will find a way to incorporate that.
I was JUST going to comment on putting an orange gerber daisy on your card and then I read Tana's comment. :)
You are the Christmas card queen, but it's ok to skip a year if that's easier.
I love you!
Without even noticing the title of your recent entry, the sentence "Alive with Sorrow and Joy" just stuck in my head as I read through your blog. My thoughts then went to Christ and his journey through life here on earth. He too was so much alive with sorrow and joy for what he chose to do for each of us at Christmas and through his whole life leading to the cross. You are a great writer. You have a great God. Sorrows and Joys seem to both show up at times in our packages called "life". Drake is a gift to you and Jon - and each step of the way the sorrows and joys are part of this gift. Embrace this time, embrace God. It was great to see you both recently -Love to you both - Jerri Benjamin
Hi, I'm a little late on this...any card from you would be welcome. I like to send a card every year, but have never done the family picture kind because I'm on my own. I usually find a boxed one that has a message that I think expresses my feelings, what I would wish for people, and send that. Maybe that's too generic, but I feel good about doing something. I love you and still think of you often.
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