I know Thanksgiving has not happened yet. However, I can't help think about Christmas already. I am beginning to anticipate the emotion now. (Which knowing me, by the time Christmas comes I will have gotten all my emotion out of my system and be totally fine on the day!)
Why I wish we could "Skip Christmas" this year:
1. The Obvious. No Baby Drake. We will never get a first Christmas, or any Christmas, with him.
2. The Memories. Last year I bawled my way through the Christmas Eve service at Church. It was my first Christmas EVER away from my family.
Also, I was filled with so many emotions as we were in the trenches of dealing with things with Drake, who was still in my belly at that time. Blessings of God's Love in the midst of sheer sadness and terror. The Christmas season was when we found out the devastating news Drake would probably not make it. December 6th was one of the WORST days, if not the worst, days of my entire life. After that, it all went downhill fast, and I am greatly anticipating all these "anniversaries" and "firsts".
3. I just don't know what to do about Christmas cards. Ok, I know this might seem dumb, and Christmas cards are just a part of the holiday "ritual", but I usually do them every year! This year, it feels weird. Our family is not complete- it is still feeling broken, but it is also a work in progress. Alive with sorrow and joy. How would I even begin to summarize all that this last year has meant in a few lines, or even a short letter, in appropriate holiday card? Sending out the status quo cute photo card just isn't feeling right to me this year. Now is the time I would usually start planning photos or layouts and it is starting to taunt me. I know I am not obligated too, but it goes against my nature NOT to.
4. We will not be able to go home, because I will be too late in my pregnancy to fly. Thankfully, we have wonderful family friends here who we can be with. We will not be alone. However, I will still miss the comforts and traditions of "home" and wish we could be there.
5. I am extra emotional, because I am pregnant :) I am not typically a crier, but this pregnancy has turned me into one of those people who cries over the sad puppy commercials on TV (OK, those have actually always gotten to me... they are SO SAD!)
On that note, of course, I am very happy that I am pregnant and at least have that as a HUGE positive and hopeful thing. Little guy is doing GREAT in there and we are so thankful for that. We don't take it for granted!!
Would it be wrong to send out a Christmas card that just stated:
Happy Holidays 2012
Sending you our
JOY & SORROW
Much love and thanks,
The Petersons
I won't do that, but that's what my card would say if it were honest.
What would your card say if you were to give an honest "Holiday" proclamation?
